i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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