I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
