let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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