apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
