I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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