he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
