I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Fuck appropriateness.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
