Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
