I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
