Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
