I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
