Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
