ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
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