I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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