i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
