This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
