dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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