pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize