What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
