got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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