Come see our sink grown plant.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
