you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
