yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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