So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I wear drunk well.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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