Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
