just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
