So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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