you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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