im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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