I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
