He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
