so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
