I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
