I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
