Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
