Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
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he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
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She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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