I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
