It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
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She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
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Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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