I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I need moral support for this bender
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
