I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize