i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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