If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
