I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
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