Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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