U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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