i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
