I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
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Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
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He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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