they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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