Having a random hookup so left but love u
and she was petting her beer can
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just want to make out with him forever
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
