My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
