I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
