So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
