Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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