you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
