dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
