I CAN MOONWALK!
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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