I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
