Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
