Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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