we're making bets on your personal life
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
