im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
