I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
