Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
If that was your dad, he is hot
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize