Yo dont text me then not text me
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
