i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
