you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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