Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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