i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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